Navigating Relationships

Hello friends! Welcome back to grace upon grace. It has been quite some time, but I was experiencing some writer's block. What is crazy is that I have so much that I want to share with you all, but I strongly believe that there is a time and a place for everything. God was telling me that certain topics are not of importance right now. While I was reflecting on what to discuss in this blog post, my mind kept going back to relationships. Relationships of all kinds are something that everyone experiences in some way and they have a huge impact on mental health, whether positive or negative.

Before I get into the thick of this topic, I wanted to give an update on my mental health. I have noticed a positive shift in my mental health, which I am very excited about. Multiple factors play into this - medications, therapy, relationships, but most importantly my faith and trust in Christ Jesus. The combination of medications that I am on have helped reduce my anxiety, increase my happiness, and stabilize my mood. Weekly therapy has been wonderful and is my second favorite day of the week (Sunday is my favorite). I have multiple things that I am working through in therapy. I am uncovering a lot that I have never fully healed from, like abusive/toxic relationships and death. I am also working on sticking up for myself and not being a people-pleaser. Lastly, I am working on giving myself the grace and mercy that God gives me because I can be my worst enemy.

When I handed my mental illness over to God, I noticed the biggest difference. As I discussed in my previous post, I was at a point where I simply could not do it anymore. It felt like I was dangling from a cliff, holding on for dear life, but my grip was slipping and snakes were weakening my grasp. I felt like I had no choice but to let go, so I did. However, I didn't just let go; I trusted God to catch me and guys...HE DID. He caught me and held tightly onto me, until I finally was able to stand and be led by Him. Ever since this, I have experienced a sense of peace and joy that I haven't felt in so long. His love for us is incredible. It brings tears to my eyes just trying to comprehend this. I can't believe that I hated myself - someone that God loved so much. I have discussed this multiple times with my therapist. Reflecting on this gets me emotional because I hate that I thought so little of myself at one point, that I wanted nothing more than to die, and that I did not find joy in anything. I want you to know that things get better. I urge you to trust God, like I did. I know it is hard, but miracles and healing come from it.

Relationships. Navigating relationships is a difficult task, but relationships play a large role in mental health. Who you surround yourself with, who you trust, and who you put energy into can either make or break you. You want to have relationships with people who encourage you to be the best version of yourself; who are there not only on the good days, but the bad days as well; who don't drain energy from you; and who love you. It can be hard to remove yourself from relationships that are not good for your mental health - trust me. This is something that I have had to do. You want to surround yourself with people who are like-minded in morals and values. For me, this has been figuring out who encourages me in my relationship with Jesus. My faith saved me and I refuse to continue close relationships with people who are a distraction from God. This is hard because I have such a love for people and I do not like hurting people's feelings, but this is one thing I have learned to be selfish about because it is crucial to my spiritual and mental health. I have learned that I will not please everyone with the decisions I make and that is okay.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

- Proverbs 27:17

My best friend, Sara, had this on her fridge and when I saw it, it not only reminded me of my relationship with her, but reminded me what we deserve in relationships. You want relationships with people who live out Proverbs 27:17. As you all know, my faith is a huge part of my life. People who live out Proverbs 27:17 are the ones that will lift you up, encourage a relationship with Jesus, and pull you from the fire when you are veering off the straight and narrow path of God. I want to emphasize that this goes for ALL types of relationships - family, friends, romantic, work, etc. I also believe that there is a reason and a season for relationships - some are not meant to last forever, some are meant to teach you something, some are exactly what you needed at the time, and some are going to last a lifetime. All of this is okay. It is okay that you are not close with people that you saw every single day for months on end. I tell you this because I went through this. It is something that I still struggle with accepting. I have learned to separate myself from situations and people that are not helping me be the best version of myself. I have removed myself from the drinking. I have created relationships with people in my church. I have found new hobbies. I have gone outside my comfort zone in multiple ways. I have kept in touch with people who lift me up and I have become closer with people that I honestly never thought I would have a close bond with.

Refreshing. This is the best way I can describe the feeling you get when you prioritize healthy relationships. It is like upgrading your wardrobe! It feels great to connect with people that truly have your best interest at heart. It is wonderful to keep in touch with people who you are no longer in constant contact with, but can pick up right where you left off. We can't control many things in life, but we can control who we spend time with and who we put our energy into. For me, creating relationships with people in my church has been the most refreshing thing! I have been able to fellowship with brothers and sisters of Christ, which is something that is new for me. For those who don't know me, I am a people person, but I actually am shy with people that I do not know. Creating friendships with people from my church is something outside of my comfort zone, but it has been worth it. I have a mentor and friend from my church who has taken me under her wing, which has been incredibly helpful. She helps me navigate life by keeping God at the center. She answers my millions of questions, talks through struggles I am having, and introduces me to others in the church. Most importantly, she is a prime example of Proverbs 27:17. She truly guides me and encourages me in my relationship with Jesus. Oh and fun fact - she is going through the membership program with me, so I can officially become a member of my church!

A personal relationship with Jesus. This is the most life changing and most important relationship I have. I will never put anyone above Jesus. I truly believe in the triangle effect - as two people grow closer to God independently and together, those two will grow closer to one another. As a Christian, I believe that God should be the center of my relationship with anyone, especially a romantic relationship - but that is a topic for another day! You can do various things to have a closer and more intimate relationship with Jesus.

Pray. I cannot express how important it is to pray and I don't mean just praying in the morning and at night. Praying throughout the day and making it a part of your daily life will allow you to grow closer to God. You will find yourself talking to Jesus without even knowing. You will truly put all your trust in God. Of course, there are certain things people may pray for every single day. For example, I pray for my family and friends. I pray for the salvation of those especially close to me. I pray for my future husband - that he loves Jesus, that he is making godly decisions, that he is saved, that he is safe, that he is a leader, and that if he hasn't already come into my life, that he comes into my life in God's perfect timing. I pray for my my future children - that they know Jesus, that I teach them how much Jesus loves them, that they will be saved, that they are healthy and happy, that my relationship with Jesus and my husband will be a powerful and positive example of what relationships should look like. I pray for our country, for the safety of our people and the leadership we are under. I pray that I give myself the grace and mercy that God gives me. These are just a few things that I pray for daily. Prayer is powerful and prayers are answered in God's perfect timing.

Scripture. Diving into scripture daily is crucial to one's personal relationship with Jesus and creates such an intimate time to be with Jesus. It not only explains what Jesus did on the cross for us, but it also is a guide to how one should live a life centered around God. It shows us only a glimpse of how much God loves us. It explains how we should treat others. It is the guide to Heaven. It is powerful. You can find peace to any anxiety that you have by turning to the Word of God. If you have a question, chances are you can find an answer by going back to the Bible. The Bible is the foundation to Christianity and explains to us in detail what that means. The Bible can be intimidating, so I encourage you to find a Bible study if you don't know where to begin - or you can just start in the Gospel of John, like I did! I will be starting the Bible study called, Seamless, with my sister on January 1st. If anyone is interested, message me and I can send you the link to the book. In addition, throughout the month of December, I am reading through the Book of Proverbs. I encourage everyone to join me with this - one chapter a day in the wonderful book of wisdom.

Church. I feel like this one is self explanatory! It is important to go to church, so you can fellowship with others. It allows you to be led spiritually by people in leadership roles. It is a source of accountability in your relationship with Jesus. It allows you to see Jesus working in others. It is an opportunity to worship God with others. If you have children, it is a way for your children to connect with other children raised in the faith and to learn about God, especially if your church has a children's ministry. Among other things, it creates a chance for you to be involved in the Great Commission.

Praise & Worship. This is one of the most uplifting and energizing things that I do to enhance my relationship with Jesus. I constantly have praise and worship music playing, whether it is in the car, while I am getting ready for the day, trying to fall asleep, cooking, or cleaning. It is playing ALL THE TIME. Not only is this music clean and kid friendly, it also can speak to you in ways that other things can't. Praise & worship is sometimes the closest I feel to Jesus, especially on my bad days where praying can be hard for me. I am a strong believer in music therapy - it is scientifically proven, look it up! My type of music therapy is praise and worship because it allows me to not only relax, but also grow closer to Jesus. One of my favorite praise and worship songs right now is, "The Blessing," by Kari Jobe - give it a listen. I have a whole playlist on Spotify that I would be happy to share with anyone.

Through prayer, scripture, church, and praise & worship music, my personal relationship with Jesus has gone to a whole different level. Relationships of all kinds are very important and difficult to navigate through, especially one's relationship with Jesus. My prayer is that everyone gets to experience a personal relationship with Jesus. I understand that not everyone reading my blog is Christian, but my intention with grace upon grace was to share my mental health and life journey. My faith is a huge part in both my mental health and life journey. I quite literally would not be here today if I did not have the faith that I do. As hard and as sad as that is to believe, it is my truth. My heart aches for the person I was before seeking out help and trusting Jesus, and it aches for those who are lost and experiencing pain in any way, whether related to mental health or not.

As always, I want to remind everyone that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Every single day will be different and with help, the good days will begin to outnumber the bad. The suicidal thoughts and ideations will become less frequent and you will slowly begin to feel like yourself again. Reach out for help if you need it. I promise that you are not alone.

Blessings & joy,

Bri